Weary

After three days of photoshoots (unrelated, but ugh, so tired) and two days of back and forth with the dvd replicators, it looks like everything's a go to manufacture the dvd for "The Bet." It looks like they should be ready in time for the official release date. And Film Baby's getting the page up for the sales. Hopefully everything comes together nicely. Hopefully. Once the site's up (I think) you can pre-order the DVD.

And I draw shit, too

I gotta find the full size version of this. I love this drawing of William S Burroughs (based on a photo I found in a magazine). I used to have free time.

I design shit, too.

Bet you didn't know I'm actually an art director for an advertising agency. Yep, the 9-5 is spent making people like what they don't (nee advertising). See what I've done HERE. Oh, and here's the older site HERE. You can see even with TMitP I was fascinated by squares.

Shannon did it...

My office spouse, Shannon answered these on her blog. And now I will:

1. Is your second toe longer than your first?
WTF?! no.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
I like pencils.

3. Look at your planner for March 14, what are you doing?
I don't even have next week planned. March?!

4. What color are your toenails usually?
Hmmm, this must be a chick quiz.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
My days off on the calendar at home.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
Wood blinds. No curtains. They never match the carpet just right.

7. What color are the seats in your car?
I sit in them, so they are usually behind me, and I'm paying attention to the road, so I'm not really sure. I think they're dark grey.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
I think when my wife gets a few more grey hairs... oh. Nevermind.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
The DVD master for "The Bet."

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
I hope not.

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
Just to have some cash.

12. Whose is the last baby that you held?
Mine. People don't trust me with their spawn.

13. Unlucky #?
4.

14. Do you like Cinnamon toothpaste?
Never tried it, but after that whole Emeril campaign I swore off ever trying flavored toothpaste.

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
BAT BOY. He's MINI Cooper.

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
I don't know what this means.

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
We went when my older son was about 4. My wife and her friend did all the cool rides. My son and I did all the kid rides. I think I had a better time than my wife.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
I have wallpaper in my garage, I think. Leftovers from the hallway set. Otherwise, fuck no.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
A scrap of construction paper left over from figuring out a puzzle in Silent Hill.

20. Last person to give you a business card?
I haven't given out a business card in years.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
Safekey.

22. Closest framed picture to you?
A puppy-time shot of a dog we gave away a long time ago. Behind that is a series of baby pictures of my older son, from about 10 years ago. Lord, I am really in need of some housecleaning and updating.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Does fast food count? Technically it does, yes?

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
No. And would I admit it on this damn thing if I had?

25. How many emails do you have?
Including the exciting opportunity to enlarge my "pen!s" and to get my free Wal-Mart gift card? Between my work and personal emails, about 250.

26. Last time you received flowers?
I hate flowers. What better way to say "I love you forever" then sending something that's dead in a week.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman?
And Britney Spears.

28. Do you play air guitar?
No. I'm not even talented enough for air instruments.

29. Has anyone ever proposed to you?
Not even indecently.

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Fat-free creamer and sugar.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
Dunno what that is.

32. What is/was your high school's rival mascot?
Hmmm, Shannon called us assholes. Snob school. Did they even have a mascot? Valley Vikings.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
Dan Kauppi. Oh, and my wife, heh.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
This morning after cleaning the garage.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
Again, too uncoordinated. You can't teach what can't be learned.

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
Wood.

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
I don't read the paper. Or watch the news. If it's really that important, I'll hear people talking about it.

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
Never been.

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Vons. CPK frozen pizza.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
Oooh, Shannon reminded me. Yeah, British crackers with the little toys and the paper crown. That was the highlight of any Christmas at my mom-in-law's. Reminds me of my grandad-in-law. He was cool.

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
Revisions to a work order.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
No.

44. Are you ticklish?
Lord yes.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
The other day, though there was no reason for it. I think a neighbour had leftovers from 4th of July.

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
A long time.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually returned it?
My wife.

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
Like on a house? Wow, we had one at the first house I lived in. But I was only 6, so I wasn't driving.

49. Do you have a black dog?
No.

50. Have you had your mid life crisis yet?
I'm terrified of when that happens. Fasten your seatbelts; it's gonna be bumpy.

51. Are you an aunt or uncle?
Uncle. Except on weekends. Then I'm both.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
I could get in trouble if I answer this one.

53. What kind of soap or body wash do you use?
Whatever my wife bought me.

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
Huh? I am very sheltered.

55. Do you have a little black dress?
See question 51.

Subtle cosmetic surgery and Rufus

Rubberblog is undergoing a slight facelift. My current obsession with QR codes is apparent in the updated header. I'll probably make a few other slight changes which shouldn't interrupt your regularly scheduled blog.

By the way, if you haven't listened to (or even heard of) Rufus Wainwright, you really should. There's something in the chords (forgive my musical retardness), but the way he uses minor chords (?) and changes things to a very dissonant chord, and unusual syncopation, and word choices. Something about it is just really cool. Currently overdosing on "The One You Love."

Maybe Theo didn't try hard enough

Revolt of teh interwebs
5 More pages on Detox
Loving Van Gogh
Yes, I added another 5 pages to Detox. Since teh interwebs were not working at the house yesterday (despite 45 minutes on the phone with Cox - such great double meaning there - I still couldn't get it to play nice. Then, I chilled and went through it on my own and got it working again. Hello Interwebs), since that was going on I had little else to do on my b-day but watch The Host which was... odd. Not bad. Just odd. And write a few connector scenes (one of which is so purely perfect and amazing, I can't believe it took until now to get it in there) on Detox. And watched some of Vincent and Theo. Partly cos I love Tim Roth and partly to hear the line that without fail (yesterday included) turns me into a blubbering fool. Vincent, arguing with his brother, Theo, an art dealer, that none of his paintings are selling (mmm, shivers) yells "Don't you tell me there's no market for my work!" It hit me someplace painfully deep the first time I heard that way back in like 1990 and it hits just a strongly (if not moreso in light of the mixed response to "The Bet" - and what I'm sure will be an equally polarised (hopefully) response to Detox - not to mention the impending sale of the DVD) now. On the one hand I love it. I never wanted to make a film that was, as Matt Wilkinson says, met with the response of a shrug. At the same time, I don't want to never be able to make another film because this one wasn't commercial and easily categorized. I'll forgo the million dollar paychecks to make my films the way I want them - however that may be.

Happy Birthday to ME!

Even with the retro-aging scheme I cooked up last year, I'm still way older than I want to be. Not that numbers really bug me, really, they don't, but they serve as a kind of guideline to how we're supposed to feel and act. I'm at an age where it's really not appropriate to wear piercings (especially to get a new one), tattoos are more a thing of the past (hell, that'll never happen - I'm wondering if I can work into my will that I get fresh ink during the funeral, something should be fresh going in the ground, eh?), you should dress less like someone out of the Urban Outfitters catalog, y'know, shit like that. But I don't wanna!

Yesterday, despite the 50-degree temperature, I wore shorts to work. Now, the simple fact that I can wear shorts to work gives you an idea that I'm not the typical 30smmsjkj-year-old. Why did I wear them? Cos I like them. I kinda don't like wearing jeans or even the big baggy cargos I have. In fact, I only have one pair of jeans and one pair of cargos. I have four pairs of shorts. There's something less restrictive about them that I like. Of course, I was wearing a thermal under the t-shirt I was wearing (which, again, the fact I can wear t-shirts - even the "Orgy of the Dead" one I love - makes me think my job has maybe enabled me to fashion-wise refuse to grow up.

But I digress. This post is about my birthday which, coincidentally, is on Thanksgiving. So, I told everyone to take a four-day weekend in my honor. Ha. No turkey for me, tonite. Don't like it. Nor any of the other crap that tags along for dinner on the fourth Thursday of November. Cranberry sauce? Stuffing? bleechh. If that stuff was really that good, why wouldn't we eat it more than once a year? No. Not me. My wife is taking the kids to her mom's house to eat that shit and I (as is my Thanksgiving tradition) am staying home and doing nada except being thankful for frozen pizza.

Do I mind getting older? Not really. What I mind is it implies there's less and less time to do things. I'd like my last ten years as a do-over now that I'm back on track to where I started going back then. But, hey, water under the bridges I've burned. Do I feel old? Sometimes. My back always hurts, but I attribute that more to the crappy chair I'm sitting in right now and spending 12 hours a day in front of a computer. There's the slower recuperation after a night of too much drink. But, really... no.

So, I say fuck birthdays. Who cares!

Just get me presents. HA!

Become integral

Technology is sometimes one of those things that improves life. Like heart transplants or that kind of thing. But it can also be something that makes life more difficult. Like trying to get all your AV components connected and working well with each other (and don't even get me started on the cord issue).

QR Codes fall somewhere inbetween. They are helpful because they save having to type in a web address, but they are currently driving me absolutely insane. I'm trying right now to a) see if my damn phone can run the software needed to decode the little bastards and b) wishing I had included one on the DVD sleeve for exclusive online content.

The one above (I assume) is a link to the website for "The Bet." I say "assume" because I have no way of testing it (see grumpiness in "a)" above).

So why bring it up? I kinda like the little buggers. They're squares (an immediate plus) and have a sort of mesmerizing coolness in their simplicity, yet knowing they are a code that unlocks something makes them really cool. They're like sci-fi versions of a bar code (which was one of the tattoos I had wanted until I realized everyone has one). And there's a nifty, retro 8-bit style about them.

They're hugely popular in Japan (another cool plus) and are starting to take off in the UK (another plus) as well. And the Pet Shop Boys' latest video "Integral" is based around them (hence the title of this post). That's where I was introduced to them. Then a few days ago I spotted them on the ink cartridges in my printer. And started to thrill with the possibilities. Slap one on the sleeve of "The Bet" DVD which unlocks exclusive online content. Post them up guerilla-style to promote the release. Print business cards with only the QR code - limiting, but awesome. They are at once information and art - which is the biggest plus of all.

EDIT: So my phone doesn't support reading QR codes (shit!) and it's too late to put it on the sleeve BUT that doesn't mean (since I'm still fucking with the DVD) that I can't include it as an easter egg. HA!)

FAIL!

The DVD master I sent apparently has failed the initial checks before replication. Now they tell me? So, the DVD release date has been pushed back to the 18th of December. Ugh. Now that they told me the "proper" way of burning the disc, hopefully I can get it out tomorrow. Still, they won't get it until Monday. Barring any other issues (the proofs are approved) I should be getting the shipment the second week of December. GAH!

Loving the new script - and retro horror

And the film that could/should/will come of it. I've got a playlist with what could be (with different musicians) a rather interesting soundtrack album. I've begun compiling visual references that will come in handy with the subsequent rewrites. Basically, everything that happened with "The Bet" the few months or so before we shot it, is happening now with Detox.

Another thing that I've been noticing is my newfound fascination with retro horror. The Prophecy was on the other day (well, I watched in on DVR the other day), and forgot how much I LOVED that film. The way the angels prop up on things (the one shot of Christopher Walken on the chair, with his toes slightly pointed together is just amazing). Another (not so much horror) film I caught recently was Crash - the Cronenberg one not the crap recent one - and for all its flaws it makes it clear what makes the unusual film work. Oh, also War of the Roses. This is one of the films that really shaped my visual style, oddly enough. There's the flip off wine glass "ting" (you'd know it if you saw the film). And there's the shot where Michael Douglas, who has been locked in the sauna, is set free and, as he falls to the ground, we get his POV of Kathleen Turner (I miss her!) ascending the stairs, even as the camera turns upside down to match his position. This was, unconsciously, what I was doing with The Girl's POV in "The Bet" when James goes to the table. Apparently just older films in general have been on my mind (and DVR).

Still more international sites

Not sure what language (possibly Chinese?) but "The Bet" is included in what looks like another IMDb-type site. I do have to admit, I love the way it comes up in foreign languages. Feels so... real.

导演: Michael Dunn

The major tattoo jones

Yes, I am jonesing for a tattoo. My last one was in January of aught6. Almost two years. Sure I currently have six. But if you have more than 2, you surely want more than 20.

There are a few problems: a) they cost money. And while my wife said I could take $500 from our tax return to go towards more ink, the world always seems to have another plan for any promised cash.

b) I'm not sure what to get. Even though I'm actually so far into the jones that I'd actually just pay some guy to do whatever the hell he wants, just to get another tattoo, if you know me, you know I could never do that. Just the same, I reeaally want a tattoo. I would be willing to get some random weirdness on my butt cheek, where only the inner circle would see it. Or even my calf. I have nice calves. I wouldn't mind getting a goofy bit of flash on one of them. Actually, I may have to go for the calf or ass because I may need to test out a new artist because...

c) I haven't heard from my last tattoo artist since, well, my last tattoo. And while I worship the ink that comes from his gun (and NO that is not a euphemism), I am kinda worried about a few things. Still, the dude was AWESOME with the damn Alien tattoo.

I'm still not even sure where the next one will go. A big part of me want to get my head tattooed, but I have NO idea what I'd put up there. There's the back piece, but there's SO much that's going on there, I'm really not ready to tackle that. And, of course, there's the Pyramid Head companion piece to the Alien tattoo. But, well, I don't know. I'm so horribly indecisive.

I think, at this point, I may just pay to have them run the needle over my skin without the ink. Yeah, I'm THAT crazy for the feeling.

99 pages

Ok, apparently cleansing the other script from my head did good.

I sat down at the computer this morning around 9. At about 10:30 I actually stopped fooling around with various distractions, like getting the printer to work through AirPort and got to the script. Detox gained about 13 pages and WOW! are they some good additions. Actually, there's a little more because a few chunks came out that weren't really doing anything. There's still a few holes, but only because it goes from morning to night in an edit, but that could just be my need to see what's going on ALL THE TIME which, in a script spanning a week, it's impossible to show every freakin' second of what's going on.

At any rate, I am pretty fuckin' pleased with where it is now. There's some weak points. Some slow bits. But there's also a really lot of good shit goin' on.

Is it weird...

...that I want a camera slate for my birthday?

I mean, really, what says MOVIE more than a movie slate? that is so iconic. And yet, filming "The Bet," we didn't have one. We tried to use a dry-erase board we found in the school, but it sucked. The next weekend Kara bought a dry-erase board, but it, too, sucked. By the third weekend, we didn't even try. I think by the third weekend, Kurt had even given up signaling takes with his fingers in front of the lens.

What's funny is that, in the way early days of getting ready to shoot the film, the one thing I thought was gonna be so cool was seeing my name on the slate as DIRECTOR!!!! (dog cocks added for emphasis). And there was never a slate. I had thought about getting a slate for the music video, bit, well, everything was rushed by that time. And now I know if another directing gig should happen to pop up (oh, there are a bunch looming) that I still won't have a slate. Still no dry-erase marker temporarily stating that I, ME, MICHAEL DUNN, is the director. No easy way of tagging takes and shots and scenes.

It's only $56 at FILMTOOLS. Maybe someone cares? Maybe if I cry a little and make a sad face and puppy dog anime eyes? Maybe if I promise to repay the $$$ just because I know you care.

My birthday is the 22 of november. That's Thanksgiving. And Christmas is coming up, too.

Just a hint for someone who's easy to buy for.

Is it procrastination?

So, I'm all ready to dive back into Detox, but then one of the ideas that i was mulling before tackling that script came rumbling back. It's a much more typical horror script, lots of scares and blood and even a supernatural element. Something far more commercial than Detox probably is. So I let it run around in my head to see where it went.

This morning I finally found out where it was going and was underwhelmed. What I wanted it to be, well, it didn't quite get there. It did, in a way, but not really. How's that for vague? I think I'll set it aside (well, the thought anyway) and go back to Detox. After all, I've got 86 pages on that one, probably better to tie it up before I get sidetracked on the other one.

I think the cause for the distraction is that Detox is so involved with the characters being very complex and there not being much plot. It makes it a much more interesting script, but also more challenging to write. Whereas this other one is much more fun (in a horror kind of way) and seems much easier to tackle. At least on the surface.

So my point? Writing's hard.

A glimmer of hope (and profit)

So, after figuring out the breakdown of how much the DVDs cost to make and how much the film cost to make, we just need to sell 800 copies to break even. Just. Only. ugh. In one sense 800 doesn't seem like all that many, when you compare it to Hollywood standards. But in our world of independent distribution, 800 is a HUGE number. Oh well, not like they need to sell in any given time. It could take five years, maybe ten. Either way, it'll be nice to get the film out there for people to see. That's what it was all about anyway. The return on what we spent is just a bonus, at least monetarily. There are other kinds of returns, like people seeing it. And people liking it. That's already born some fruit by way of the reviews the film has gotten. For me, having a reviewer say the film is "Enigmatic" or "Intriguing" or "Twisted" or "Engrossing" or any of the dozens of other adjectives is way more of a payoff than cash. And for the casual filmgoer to enjoy it is worth even more.

As writers strike, I write

Ironic, isn't it, that just as the Writers Guild goes on strike, I gear up to attack the script for Detox head on. Of course, I'm not union, so it doesn't really matter; I'm not breaking any rules. I just thought it was kinda funny.

And speaking of the script, thus far I'm at 86 untamed pages, heading into the second (or third, depending how you look at it) draft. Everything from draft one has been reordered and reorganised to both more closely follow a realistic withdrawal timeline and to also keep the tension, well, tense. Now Chris and I are going to go through and layer in the good stuff. It could be like lasagna. Maybe more like a 7-layer burrito. Either way, now is where we start adding in all the subtexts and symbols and all the other "s" words that brought depth to "The Bet" - if there is any depth in that one, but you get my drift.

Either way, it's a relief that, after plowing through the DVD to get back the script, I don't have to join a picket line. Although it is nice weather out there.

Final DVD Specs

The film itself is 19 minutes long, but the DVD features over 4 hours of bonus features, including:

• Anamorphic Widescreen 2.4:1 Presentation Enhanced for 16x9 TVs
• Six Full-Length Commentaries:
• The Film: director Michael Dunn
• The Stars: Courtney Gardner Stavros and Walt Turner
• The Story: writers Michael Dunn and Chris Smith
• The Look: director of photography Kurt Rauf
• The Production: producer Matt Wilkinson and Drew Marvick
• The Sound: sound designer John McClain
• Isolated track of production sound before music and sound design
• "An Uncommon Wager" - a 45-minute documentary featuring interviews with the cast and crew and behind-the-scenes footage and photos
  
• Alternate and Extended Endings - presented by the writers, featuring new storyboards and performances from the cast
• "Midnight Movie" - "The Bet" in simulated black & white 8mm
• "And Now, on to Our Top Story" - Uninterrupted Channel 4 newscast with optional commentary by Mat Planet and Shannon Sarver
• "Hallway" Music Video - directed by Michael Dunn, featuring Justine Bellinsky and Walt Turner
• "Creating the Look" - an in-depth featurette exploring how the final look and effects were achieved in post-production
• "Foreplay" - an short film by Michael Dunn to introduce the 2004 AIGA Work Show
• "The Bloody Glitch" - an error in exporting which created a red smudge in some of the scenes
• Theatrical Trailer and Television Spot
• Teaser Trailer for Detox
• Bloopers, Trivia, Storyboards and Photo Gallery
• English Subtitles
• Interactive Menus
• Chapter Selections
  
• Four Hidden Easter Eggs

All this on a 4-color silkscreened DVD in a shrink-wrapped case with 4-color sleeve.

The DVD will be available online December 4th at filmbaby.com for $12.99+shipping. Details to follow. Or you can buy it directly from me for $10.00 (If you need it shipped, you will have to buy online).

There will also be a limited edition of t-shirts featuring Donnie and Maree flipping the bird. They are white silkscreen on black. There are only 22 shirts and will only be available directly from me. They retail for $25 each and come in small, medium, large and x-large. This is a one-time printing and when they're gone... they're gone.

"Your order arrived today"

That's the subject of the email I just got from Discmakers who are manufacturing the DVDs. In theory, twelve working days from now, the DVDs will be on their way back to me. Scary. I still can't quite wrap my head around how large a delivery of 1000 DVDs will be. I don't think it'll fit in my MINI, that's for sure.

I love the Bird

Send me pictures of people (you or anyone you know) flipping the bird. Do it. I love it. Send them now. This will come up once a month, my call for the digital salute. I don't even care if they are from teh interwebs. Send them to michael AT rubbersquare.com and put BIRD in the subject line. I'll post up the ones I get. Share the love. Flip someone off today.

In place of film, there's fudge

So, I absolutely refused to have anything to do with anything even film related today, no writing, no editing, no thinking, no watching, no anything whatsoever that involves film. So, since I can't not do anything (yes, I'm just that sick), I spent the day making two batches of fudge - regular and cookies and cream - and three dozen chocolate chip cookies. I think that oughtta cleanse my brain and refresh me. All the better to get me ready for that f-word I've been avoiding, hopefully for the best.

Mission: Relax, accomplished.

So, I realised this morning early, like 6am, when I awoke with that too-much-garlic taste in my mouth (which apparently I smelled as well), that although I had finally snagged the Greatest Hits version of Silent Hill 2 (which has the Born from a Wish scenario where you can be Maria) over two years ago, I'd never actually played the new scenario. Do, after making my coffee and checking my email I, having resigned the day to nothing since we've got Monday off, settled into the game room couch and started up the game. It sucked. But that's not the point. After I finished it, my elder son wanted to know what the other game was (they both had seen me play it way back about 3 years ago or so) and so I started a new game of the regular version.

Silent Hill 2 is, without question, one of those few things that just make me giddy. The look. The sound. The story. The symbolism. Everything. I adore that game. When I hit the first save point in Born from a Wish I actually got goofy just knowing that that same red square had a place of honor in my short film, "The Bet."

I ended up playing from about 9am-4pm. Yes. Really. And at 4, it was more I was tired of worrying that the kids (who'd slowly started paying more and more attention to the game) would be up all night with nightmares than that I was tired of playing. It was the first time in, well, probably 3 years that I'd actually sat down and played a video game for any length of time.

And when I was done playing, what ran through my head? "What a wasted day."

But it wasn't.

I needed a day of absolutely unusefullness just to clear away the constant do-do-do that I'd been plagued with the past year and a half. With the film, the dvd, the music video... all of it. A constant GO! And today was a refreshing NO!

I have a feeling tomorrow I'll get the first tickling to head back into the Detox script. And as soon as I start to get that mmmMMMM feeling of writing it, it'll be time to get the kids into the shower/bath, for me to shave and get ready to get into bed myself so I can rise bright and ready for work. Ugh.

Why is it that any extended time off only results in wishing there was just a little more time?

To write or not to write?

If I had to define myself in one word, of what I am and stand for, something that people would immediately recognize and understand and go, "Oh, that makes sense," that one word would be "Artist." I have no qualms with that. It's fairly encompassing of what I do and am and believe. For a while though, from about age 16-22 that word was "Writer." But that never really fully covered all the things I like to do, even if writing was this intense passion that allowed me to create in a depth that couldn't be captured in a drawing or photograph or song or design.

But then I stopped writing.

It's been nearly 15 years since I wrote something that was original. Well, since I finished something original. Why? Partly because life got in the way, the way life will. Partly because I kinda ran out of things to write about. But mostly because I was scared.

I'm a very superstitious person. If I change lanes and don't hit the little bumpy things, I worry that something bad will happen. I'll even changes lanes again just to hit them. And I was superstitious about writing. For some reason (well, because my mind has a way of making things out of nothing, hence creativity) I started to make a correlation between writing and bad events. Long story short (cos I like short stories), I was held up at the video store where I worked and attributed it to writing. Yes, I'm that superstitious. But I got back into it, but with great trepidation. Still, in the back of my mind, there was this little voice alongside the one reading my stories as I typed them out (yes, that's really what it's like). This other voice was whispering that if I kept writing, something bad would happen. And it slowly got louder and louder until it drowned out the other voice. And I stopped writing.

You could say it was writers' block. I called it hell.

When my first son was born, I was terrified that, if I did write something, that whispering (now screaming) voice would prove right, and it was a risk I wasn't willing to take. Besides, I hadn't finished anything in years. I was working in advertising, doing well with that, and I started to not miss writing anyway.

Until recently.

Nearly 15 years after finishing the last thing I wrote, I've made a short film (which was based on a story from way, way back) and am tackling writing a feature. Something original. So far, that doomsayer has been quiet, but, to a certain extent, so has the one that told me what to write. I haven't had that rush of adrenaline I had back in college when I was up all night, busting out a story, surviving on coffee and cigarettes - those nights I'd pace the room, sweating and vibrating. Probably from all the caffeine and nicotine, but also because I was so caught up in the tale that was flowing across the screen. Word after word. Sentence after sentence. My fingers banging away to keep up with the voice in my head that was equally hopped up on stimulants and passion.

So, why bring this up now? I don't know. It just struck me looking to the weekend that I'd finally have a chance to get back into the new script and - instead of that anticipation I felt while in class, barely able to sit still until I could get back to the apartment and get back to my laptop and the story left behind waiting to be finished - I kinda feel like, ugh.

I miss the days so long gone, when I'd lie down on the crappy, torn up couch I had in my office, hide inside my huge headphones and drift off to that happy, peaceful world of nothingness where creativity lives. Just lying there - not sleeping - just floating, relaxing, rejuvinating. And then I'd smoke a cigarette, drink some coffee and start writing again. Now, my "free" time is spent yelling at the kids, cleaning the pool, catching up on what's on DVR and not doing much of anything creative.

That crappy couch is long gone, but, I think, when all goes to shit this weekend, I may bust out the big headphones, crank some Nine Inch Nails (Broken always got me where I wanted to go), and get back to that creative netherworld.

"Hallway" Bigger Version

You can see a larger version of the video for "Hallway" by clicking HERE.

"Hallway" Music Video

Finally, here it is... "Hallway" - performed by Justine Bellinsky and written by Rachel Bellinsky. This is a new version of the song that plays over the end credits of "The Bet." This version was produced by, well, me and the video was directed by, well, me again and shot by Francis George and Francis R. Baytan - francisandfrancis.com. This will be featured (along with another FOUR HOURS of bonus features) on the soon to be released "The Bet" DVD, coming 12-4-07.

And without further ado...

Hallway - by Justine Bellinsky

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DVD Delivered

Well, the DVD master and artwork files went out in the mail today. Priority mail (just cos I wanted them there Tuesday, but may still get there Wednesday). Which means, in about 3 weeks, I'll have 1,000 - that's ONE THOUSAND!!! - copies of "The Bet" DVD ready to sell. I should feel exonerated, but more I feel exhausted. I still have a few task to deal with regarding the whole "The Bet" chapter of my life. And even as it winds down to a close, I feel, more than anything... sad. Yeah. Really.

Driving home from work today the disc of 100-some songs I currently have stuffed in the player happened upon the closing credits from "The Bet." The part, at the bridge, where what was dubbed as the "swingset" - that squeaky sound that starts off the film - when that came on, I actually welled up, remembering what it was like watching it at CineVegas and knowing that THAT sound would forever signal the beginning of my directorial debut. Very Pavlovian of me, I know. But... fuck it.

So, keep an eye out (not that you'd miss the ubiquitous postings on any available outlet) for the DVD release and info with it and all that.

"The Bet" DVD Giveaway

The fine folks over at Fatally-Yours are hosting a DVD giveaway for "The Bet" to announce the December 4th release. Check it out HERE and enter.

"Hallway" cover

Temp cover for the "Hallway" single.

Plus, I've decided I'm going to have to export the video (at least the "light" scenes out and adjust them frame-by-frame in Photoshop. If I can get it to look like the cover on a TV set, I'm there. Of course, this painfully delays everything, but it'll be worth it.

Oh. So. Close.

DVD sleeve. Done.
DVD artwork. Done.
T-Shirt artwork. Done.
Commentaries. Done. All 6.
Final sound and picture. Done and done.
Bonus features. Well... very close.

So, that's the good thing. So close to being done. A few tweaks. Another test. Possibly adding one more thing to the beast. Yes, even though there is now over FOUR hours of bonus features. not bad for a 20 minute film.

And still looking good on time to get it shipped out and delivered and sent off to the folks at filmbaby for selling by Dec. 4.

I. Can't. Wait.